As long as I can remember my one wish in life has been to find the man I am going to marry. But I have also always had very high expectations when it comes to guys, which has resulted in many letdowns. In particular, during my time in college. College is a crazy time as it is without adding boys to the mix, but of course that is one of the most interesting parts of it. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out and partying with guys is extremely fun and a lot of them bring on lots of laughs and good times, but for me it only goes that far.
Being “marriage material” in college comes with many challenges and I am here to tell you why, but first I will explain what exactly I mean by marriage material. Ask anyone who knows me well what my biggest dream in life is and they’ll say finding my soulmate. And they will be absolutely right. Ever since I was a little girl all I wanted was to find my “Prince Charming.” Of course I grew up having many other aspirations as well, some that have stuck and some that have changed, but the one that still remains is the search for my husband. Since I have had that mentality for so long, I am way past the casual dating phase or being in a relationship just for the heck of it. I have absolute no desire for that. I am looking for someone who wants mutual commitment and the actual development of a meaningful and loving relationship. For most people my age nowadays that sounds like a trip to hell, and I’m being serious! Most would rather have a casual hook up so they can cling to their singleness and independence, but still get their “fix” when needed. Which in no way am I saying that that is wrong, because to each its own, but for me I just can’t do that. And with the pool of guys I have to pick from (fraternity boys) I have very little luck anyway.
I have come to learn that this generation is afraid of commitment and getting hurt. In result of that, they have created the term “talking,” which basically is the lowest level of dating without ever actually moving forward in the relationship. Now I know the people in my generation are probably screaming inside because I actually used the word dating to define talking, which is a huge No-No. But that really is, in a way, what “talking” is. It is a pathetic stagnant excuse for dating where both partners have a completely open way of leaving the “relationship” simply by not texting the other person back. I have yet to fully understand why people, the ladies in particular, put themselves through this. But for those of you who still don’t understand, this is just a small example of how “talking” works: Probably begins with two people being introduced to each other by mutual friends at a party, that night they might make out or hook up. The next few days they get to know one another solely through texting. But don’t respond too quickly or add too many emojis because then you’ll seem too interested. Try to say funny and flirty things so the conversation stays light and never truly goes into depth of who each other are. Come the next weekend, these two people meet at a party again. They dance, flirt, and hangout, and then leave together that night to most likely hook up again. This goes on for maybe a few weeks, but still their only interaction is texting, maybe meeting up for lunch a couple times (but it wasn’t a date), and leaving together after parties. Then one of them (usually the guy, but of course not always) gets bored, or sees the other person becoming too clingy or actually starts to like them (God forbid, right!?) so they stop replying to texts and start avoiding them at parties. The other person involved has to accept the decision that that person has made and move on like nothing happened (even though, more times than not, they are very upset inside) but then the story just ends there.
Doesn’t that sound awful? Like who actually wants to go through that!? The problem is, girls do. Not that they like going through something of that nature, but because they think they have no other option. I’m not going to lie, I’ve done it and I’ve experienced it, but for me twice was enough. As I stated earlier, with the high expectations I have, I knew I deserved more than that type of treatment. Women deserve to be wanted, deserve to be taken out on dates, and deserve enough respect to have a conversation on why the relationship is ending. Yet I am surrounded by so many girls my age who don’t realize that and just accept what boys put them through. Me however, I won’t put up with it, which in return doesn’t exactly make me seem like the best choice for guys my age.
Another obstacle that I am faced with when being “marriage material” in college is the physicality that guys crave and demand. I have never been the type of girl that will randomly or even routinely hook up with a guy, so instantly I become undesirable. It is almost unbearable sharing this side of the story because it is so heart aching. The boys of my past and still to this day continuously minimize me and determine my value based on what I can give them physically. They don’t want to know my favorite color, they don’t want to know my dream job, they don’t want to know why I love sad movies, all they care about is how far I will go with them sexually. Which in my case, is not far at all. As soon as they find that out, I am useless to them. It’s the easiest thing in the world for a guy to move on to the next girl and find someone who will actually satisfy their needs. In simplest of words it made me feel worthless. For a while I let this define me. Once the fact that I was saving myself became common knowledge around the boys I hang out with most, I was barely noticeable to them. They almost didn’t want anything to do with me and I let it break my heart for awhile. But the beautiful word in that sentence is awhile. I let that last for only so long and then I told myself it was enough.
Through much self-reflection and countless prayers, the Lord reminded me where my worth is found. Which is in Him. He says I am beautiful, therefore I am. He says I am worthy, therefore I am. He says, “Be patient child,” therefore, I’m still working on that one. But bottom line is, I know the type of man that will be standing at the end of the aisle on our wedding day. I just had to go through a few bad eggs for me to fully realize that. I also realized that all along I had been looking in the wrong places, but more importantly that it just isn’t my time yet. I am seeking a man that loves Jesus before he loves me, a man who is respectful, humble, intelligent, selfless, and kind. Yet I cannot expect those things of him if I am not all those myself. So instead of wasting my time weeding through all the bad seeds, I will start working on who I am and what I want to become and in the process become the best version of myself there is. I know the Lord is working on the perfect man for me and we will meet when the time is right and I can barely contain my excitement for when that day comes, but in the meantime I’ll be patient.